I have a vented wide mouth...

or at least that's what it says on the side of my Coors Light can. Huh? Is that some not-so-subliminal "sex-sells" message Coors is putting out there so that when guys are scoping out the beer aisle at the local quicky-mart they read "VENTED WIDE MOUTH" on the can and instantly think of Traci Lords?  

Anyway--I'm obviously back to blogging at home in the comfy of my own pj pants and t-shirt. Well, I guess it's obvious--I could be blogging at work while slugging back a cold one...not likely, but it could happen. But, I'm at home in my recognized, safe blogging domain with a cold beer and Matt cooking something that smells heavenly over in the kitchen.  I feel warm and secure. Would be better if I wasn't out of cloves, but I am and I'm not venturing out in "5-tornado-warnings-in-the-last-3-hours" weather for a fix. Sorry. Apparently I'd make a horrid drug addict...not committal enough it seems.  Give me some rain, wind and a few lightning bolts and I'm out!

So, just a note. WTF is up with people in WallyWorld? Now, I realize that is  HUGE topic that could span like decades of blog material but I just have to say this...we all know you can by-pass at least part of the Hell that is Wal-Mart by going to check out in the Garden Center.  It's like a free pass from all the nightmarish lines, self-checkout aisles that never fuckin' work, and "Customer Assistance needed on aisles 2, 5, 7, 8, 13, and 98" sound system pages that always seem to screw with the one line you managed to pick to stand in out of the 200 they have.  But, there are rules people...there are always rules.  With perks come responsibility. Like this one: the Garden Center checkout is not quite as limited as the Express Lane in items allowed, but by no means is it a free for all checkout to be used by just anyone. There are limits. 

For example, say I come bee-bopping out to the Garden Center check out with my 4 items (Aveeno bath salts, Aveeno bath scrub, a bag of pig ears --for the dogs--, and a Star magazine) and I am faced with a severe customer back up standing in a line/glob formation at the register which resembles a small, confused mob because some yahoo is there with two (count them...TWO) carts chock full of like 20, 000 items.  Fuckin-A! Really? Yep-and that is exactly what the customers, cashier and little old greeter lady heard come out of my mouth yesterday...and not so quietly either.  I mean, COME ON!!!  It's the freakin' Garden Center check out line for people with either (1) actual garden crap, or (2) a few items that need to get the Hell out of dodge.  I mean, the cash register counter isn't even full sized out there--it's one of those miniature deals that can only hold like 3 things at once...there's a reason for that my dear SuperFreak with 2 carts full of crap. Ugh.  So, after crushing the virgin ears around me with my sounds of frustration I did two things. First, I cut a look at Two-Cart-Chick that was so glaring that she is probably today waking up with signs of whiplash and wondering if she was involved in a fender bender she forgot about. She should be glad she wasn't hit upside the head with a large Rollback Smiley. Fo' real. 

And two, I did one of those things I never, ever do. I sat my stuff down on a random display (I think it was tulip bulbs or something) and just left. As a former retail worker I hate when people are too lazy to put things back in their place and I adhere by a very strict code of buy it or reshelve it, but I was at my LIMIT yesterday.  In hind sight, I should have walked over to the 20,000 items-or-less chick and just added them to Cart No. 2.  So yah, I was "that person" yesterday and, yes, my time was more valuable and, yes, at least I am socially aware enough to know the Rules.  

Hence, the wide vented mouth...