Fever? What fever?

I am beginning to come out of my sinus-pressured, sore throat and pulsing headache Hell that has been the bane of my existence over the past, oh, 5 days or so.  It was one of those weeks that didn't "allow" me to stop, rest and mend so I got by on sheer will power, caffeine and cookies until I knew I could crash this weekend. And did I ever crash! The arrival of the Snuggie was not mere coincidence, my friends, it was a life line sent straight from Heaven (or Mullettville...whichever I am closest to these days).  I had thought about just moving back to the bed from the couch in an effort to make sure I didn't "over do" my apparent detour to the road of recovery, but when I caught myself actually picking up a collection of crusty snot-rags from the bedroom floor to throw them away...well, I knew then that I was well enough to drag my ass to the computer and check in with Blog world!

But, as with all experiences, I have learned somethings over the past 48 hours of grogginess, unwashed hair, and snot-rag companions...and I thought I'd share them with you! (I know...can you believe your fucking luck?)  

First, the karmic law held true and on the one weekend when I am sick as a dog and plan to do nothing more than lie on the bed/couch/Snuggie nearest me and watch mindless t.v. all day while my body exorcised the sinus demons within, there is not shit to watch on t.v.  Seriously. Not shit.  I mean. c'mon! I'm not asking for a Johnny Depp marathon...or even an Ed Harris/Hugh Jackman Naked Wrestling match...but really?  I swear by all that is Holy that when the BEST thing I can find to watch is the fucking Empire Strikes Back?  

So, I spent most of my weekend watching things like:

Boogeyman 2 (I had no idea there was a Part 1 and I pray there isn't a Part 3), 

COPS vintage 1989 in Florida where the mullet is King (this was actually my highlight of the day), 

Pride and fuckin' Prejudice (I HATE Jane Austen and Keira Knightley ain't high on my list either...someone give that girl a Twinkie for crying out loud), 

and Traci Lords in some weird Sci-Fi flick called Crazy 8's (yet her acting was better than Keira's...so whatever).

Does it say something about me that I enjoyed a horridly done slasher flick starring Traci Lords more than an Oscar nominee anorexic in a classic English drama? Probably... So, I learned that I have low brow taste...but then, I kind of new that already. BUT I did learn from my t.v. watching some helpful tips! (1) Don't ever check yourself into a psych ward where there is inexplicably no cell phone reception AND the head Doctor looks eerily like the actor that played Freddy Kruger. (2) If you are an underage cracked out hooker in Florida, don't work on the main federal highways...apparently that is worse, somehow... (3) I am SO glad that the 1980's hair trends are gone. (4) Someone needs to give Keira Knightly a Twinkie...like fucking now...deep fried...with a side of ham. (5) I am SO glad the early 19th century style of corsets and tiny breasts are gone. (6) Traci Lords CAN appear on television without being a slut/hooker/naked. (7) If one of your childhood friends dies and in his will asks that a group of your childhood friends drive out to some abandoned farm to go through stuff in an old, dusty trunk--DON'T...be the one "bad" friend that is just "too busy" and can't make it due to your oh-so-hectic life...trust me on this one. 

Also, I learned that a girl CAN, in fact, survive off of raspberry Crystal Light, Tylenol super-duper-extreme-"dear God make it end" Sinus meds, and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.  Of course, as of this evening my tongue has started feeling kind of odd...but I'm blaming that on the overdose of Crystal Light...I'm sure it can't be the cookies.  

I have learned that the Snuggie sleeves just kind of get in my way...as in, each time I tried to reach for something (remote control, cookie, snot rag...) I ended up knocking crap over or spilling things all over the place.  I'm not sure if this is because I am just naturally retarded, because of my sinus med induced state, or if because the Snuggie sleeves are designed for somebody with a 87 inch reach...but I finally gave up on actually using the sleeves and now use the Snuggie as a blanket...with bizarre appendages.  Also, Lola LOVES the Snuggie and sticks her muzzle in the non-used sleeve.  So, it all works out...maybe the Snuggie people should add a dog-muzzle-warmer scene to the oh-so-awesome t.v. ad they have out :)

Finally, I have learned that thermometers lie.  All last night and most of today I kept feeling incredibly hot (as in sweaty and gross, not as in "my milkshake brings the boys to the yard") and then I'd be freezing. hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. This resulted in lots of blanket and Snuggie tossing and rearranging. Yet the thermometer kept showing that my temperature was near normal. WTF??? I finally kind of evened out...or so I thought anyway.  So, this afternoon I'm on the couch (I was SO freakin' proud when I managed to wander out of the bedroom and onto the couch!) and feeling ok temperature-wise and I comment to Matt that I think my fever finally broke.  He looks at me as if I am crazy...then I look closer and notice for the first time (most likely because while lying in bed I never really looked up from my cocoon to seriously scope him out) he is wearing a toboggan...and a fleece pullover...and his boots.  He feels my forehead and says "No, Sweetie. It's freezing in here and you are still warm."  Apparently due to my tossing and turning last night he had turned or thermostat down to like 52...and it's like in the 30's or 40's outside...and while he was all bundled up for an Arctic trek, I was "just fine" sitting around in my cotton p.j. shorts and Crystal Light-stain-colored t-shirt.  Yah.  Somewhere tonight in the middle of Han Solo and Leia swapping pointed jabs with each other I was suddenly FREEZING and realized my fever had truly broken. Yay!

So, now I'm returning to the world of the living and plan to head back to the office tomorrow...when I am sure there will be like a 12 hour marathon of back-to-back Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp and Dennis Quaid movies played without interruption.