My Green Bean Casserole Can Kick Your Yam's Ass!

I'm not generally a food snob--I'm just as into a Sonic vanilla malt or can of spray cheese served a'la Chicken 'N a Biscuit crackers as the next self-respecting Southern gal.  Krystals? With extra onion cubes, liquid cheese and a side of chili-tots? Bring it on!

But, I have recently had a personal epiphany...a true milestone in my "path to self development" (to quote some pages xeroxed from a self help book and left crammed in my mailbox by a crazy, stalker ex-boyfriend in an effort to win me back...yah, seriously..but that is another blog to itself). I have discovered that when it comes to holiday food, I am not only a snob, but quite the brat.  

See, for the past 34 years I have never actually celebrated any major food holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Flag Day...) away from my family.   Fortunately, I have always had significant others whose families lived like 8 gazillion miles away beyond a waterfall of doom and within an evil enchanted forest OR I've dated men with "mom issues," "dad issues," or "I hate my whole family issues" (see reference above to Self Help Dude).   While these harbingers of therapy-laden relationships resulted in lots of tears, bad break-ups and the occasional restraining order, they did have the benefit of meaning that every major holiday was spent with MY family and not with the people who had created the freaks I was involved with.

That is, until now.  I have finally found the man of my dreams...the sensitive, sexy, supportive and awesome chef of a knife maker known as Matt.    Matt has no "mom" or family issues.  But there is a trade off for dating someone who is sane...this year we are headed to Mobile, Alabama, to spend Thanksgiving with his family.  More specifically, at his sister's house.  And I LOVE his sister...she is great, awesome, funny and used to date Eddie Money (I mean, the coolness factor on that alone is just off the charts). But she cannot cook. At all.  And I don't mean she just would have problems with consistently basting a 15 pound turkey or perfecting a made-from-scratch dessert recipe. I mean the woman can not cook.  

For example, on one trip to her house we walked inside to discover the foulest smell ever...it was like something had died in a dryer vent...and then other somethings had tried to rescue it only to suffer a similar dryer vent death.  It was dinner.  Dinner in the shape of a pork tenderloin that she had left in a crockpot all day on high with no liquid of any form.  And, she had accidentally set the crockpot on part of the stovetop....which she had forgotten to turn all the way off...resulting in a half melted crock pot containing the aforementioned tougher-than-shoe-leather burnt pork.  Mmmmm....yummmmm!  Nothing like charred pork infused with the taste of melted plastic!

And on another occasion, she made pancakes. Or at least that is what she sad they were. To this day I still don't know what I actually ate that morning, but once I drowned them in syrup and butter and chased them with "not really crispy at all" bacon it wasn't too bad. 

So, now we are going to her house for Thanksgiving.  (sigh) 

And I come from a long line of Southern cooks who just base the entire months of October through January preparing menus and comparing notes for holiday and football-oriented feasts.  Typically my mom, sister and I break it down and after a marathon of three cooks sharing my mother's kitchen the table is magically transformed and filled to the rim with butter and cajun-injected, succulent roast turkey; clove-studded smoked ham; green bean casserole (my all time favorite); homemade 4 cheese macaroni; real corn bread dressing (actually made from cornbread that we also make); biscuits; corn pudding; broccoli and cheese heaven; real cranberry sauce (that does not come out in a tube form); sweet potato casserole with a yummy roasted pecan struedel topping; pecan pie; Italian Cream cake; and some form of chocolate bread pudding with whiskey sauce.  Oh! Excuse me! I think I just had a "moment" just thinking about it!

So, yah...I'm going to miss Thanksgiving with my family...and I'm really going to miss our food and all the time and love that goes into making it.  At this point, I'm hoping that my honey's sister might cater the event.  Or at least the turkey...

The things we do for love.  Although, in the long run I am more than happy with the trade off and I wouldn't trade Matt or his family for all the corn pudding in the world (green bean casserole...uh, that's a hard one...)

Hope everyone has a wonderful, family-filled, and "Oh God, I need to change into my stretchy pants" Thanksgiving!